Dear new Bank of England five pound note, I am beginning to think that you are a myth. Since you were introduced into circulation on the 13th of September I have been given several £5 notes in change in shops but never the new one. There are excited social media suggestions as to what we could do with our first new fiver (send it to charity is the most common one it seems), there have been news reports about them, I have heard people discuss them or exclaim in excitement about receiving one, but I have not seen one myself. Have any of my British readers actually seen one? Are they like the Loch Ness Monster – something that is said to exist but no one has ever seen?
Dear supermarket check out girl, I was not impressed with you and your glum expression. You spoke five words to me during my entire interaction with you, and one of those words was only because I said hello to you and you grudgingly returned the greeting. The other four words were ‘Nectar card?’ (so you can guess which shop I was in!) and the total of my bill. No pleases, no thank yous. You did not look at me during the entire process, or make me feel that your shop was one that I would consider going back to. I think some customer service training is what you need.
Dear Waterstones, How wonderful to have you back in town! You’ve only been open a week and I’ve already been in three times. When your original shop closed a few years ago we were bereft. How could it be that we had been denied a ‘proper’ bookshop? Picking up books in the supermarket, or WH Smiths, just wasn’t the same, but now we have a nice new (if a bit smaller version of the original one) bookshop where I can browse to my heart’s content. Happy days.
Dear little standby/on lights, I’m not quite sure what the collective term for you is, but I mean the little lights on the TV recording box, telephone answering machine, heating thermostat, WiFi router etc – the little lights that shine like the brightest beacons in the dark. Why do you have to be quite so bright? I don’t think there is such a thing as total darkness in our house at night because there is always something shining, or blinking, and illuminating the place. I can see that you are useful and can tell us that the item is on, and working, but your luminosity could be turned down several notches and we could still see you quite clearly. In a world that is trying to get us to think about reducing energy consumption you are not really doing your bit, are you?
Dear friends, I enjoyed our day together yesterday – chatting, eating lemon drizzle cake, seeing the sights and dining in a beautiful old pub. I hope you got home safely.
Dear savage chickens, You are still making me laugh.
I hope you have a good Friday, whatever your plans are.