Dear squirrels, I would like to apologise for blaming you for making holes in the grass in my garden – I have discovered that it is a classic sign of badger activity.
Dear hedgehogs, I still haven’t spotted any signs of your presence. Rather alarmingly I have just learned that badgers like to eat you, so perhaps you would be safer to keep well away from my garden.
Dear weather, Make up your mind! April showers are not appropriate for September.
Dear notice writer at the shopping mall, I like your sense of humour (and will ignore your apostrophe failure, just this once). Where most people would put a basic OUT OF ORDER sign on the vending machine you put this one –
Happy Friday everyone!